I’m actually super annoyed about this Netflix situation. They haven’t done anything in years to garner any loyalty, and now they want us to stop sharing?
They’ve cancelled beloved and acclaimed shows with reckless abandon, and they fired all of their diverse teams in the middle of projects without warning. We only have Netflix in my circle because one of us is paying.
I sincerely think we need to carry the energy we had for Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast when they turned hostile to their own fans and we should mass unsub if this goes live. We cannot allow this egregious level of rudeness to stand.
Studies show that approaching youth with a bystander-intervention model is actually a lot more effective for reducing sexual assault, and it is also more enthusiastically received than programs that bill themselves as anti-rape.
We can tell youth that they are basically “rapists waiting to happen” (anti-rape initiative), or we can tell them that we know they would intervene if they saw harm happening to someone and we want to help empower them to do that (bystander intervention). The kids jump in with both feet for the latter! It was amazing to see children (and young boys in particular) excited to do this work and engage their creativity with it. Also, studies show that not only do they go on to intervene, but they also do not go on to sexually assault people themselves. Bystander intervention also takes the onus off the person being targeted to deter rape and empowers the collective to do something about it. It answers the question in the room when giggling boys are carrying an unconscious young woman up the stairs at a house party, and people are not sure how to respond and are waiting for “someone” to say or do something.
Richard M. Wright, “Rehearsing Consent Culture: Revolutionary Playtime” in the anthology Ask: Building Consent Cultureedited by Kitty Stryker
This is also, btw, how the US drastically reduced drunk driving in the US. Telling people they shouldn’t drive when intoxicated made absolutely zero difference. A slogan-and-ad-campaign for “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk!” changed drinking culture. Going after the bystanders is quite often the most effective thing to do in any social change.
im literally not exaggerating when i tell you guys this video saved my life
This is a damn MOOD FOR LIFE, I tell you what.
This is beautiful, not just because of the lyrics, harmonies and relatable message, but also because Cinderella (Brandy), One of the Hercules Muses (Roz Ryan) , and Mama Odie (Jenifer Lewis) are singing it. Like we have been blessed.
one of these days I will not watch this video when it comes around on my dash, but today is not that day
Some days the internet delivers the thing you need to see when you need to see it. This is that day, and this is that content
A man assassinates a former prime minister and gives his demands to the government who turn around and go “Actually yeah, these are quite a good ideas.”
By far the most successful assassin in history, tbh. It’s like if someone bodied Reagan and a month later we got police/drug reforms
Aight y'all. Here’s a lesson I learned from my wife, and I wish I’d learned it years ago:
Before you buy anything, take 5 minutes to search (preferably with a non-Google search engine like DuckDuckGo) “best [whatever] for [specific purpose if necessary].”
Make sure you look at who the reviews are from; there are a lot of bad spam sites out there, but you can find good lists on reputable sites. However, you’ll get some of the best lists on Reddit.
Most of what you’ll find at the top of the lists on Amazon (and Walmart) are people who have paid for that spot. You’ll still have to use discernment to make sure you’re picking a good review site, but I’m not kidding when i say that the last time we had to buy a plunger, I ended up on a thread on a plumber’s forum where they were discussing which plunger they keep in their own bathroom. (The overwhelming winner was something called a Toilet Saber, and… it’s much easier to use than the usual style of plunger, actually.)
She searches “best potato peeler” and “best pastry blender” and “best standing desk” and it seems so obvious, right, but she does it for literally everything and the average quality of things I own has gone way, way up since I started taking 5 minutes to search “best yoga socks” and “best cuticle trimmers” and then going to buy whatever it is.
Her research skills go into overdrive when it comes to big purchases; she’s the one who researched our sublimation printer and found the desk I currently use. If there’s an extremely passionate subreddit out there about the thing she wants to buy, she’ll find it and then read half a dozen reviews.
I cannot stress enough how much she does this. About. Everything. And how much everything we own is better as a result.
It’s amazing, honestly.
Seriously tho, reddit used to be hyperfocused small communities of ppl devoted to Specific Things. The answers you get about products on reddit threads from more than ~3 years ago are very, very genuine. They may be out of date, as product quality tends to drop when high prestige can make up for it, but it’s an absolutelylovely starting point
Additionally: Check to see if Wirecutter has anything.
Wirecutter is an offshoot of the New York Times that is dedicated solely to reviewing products. Meaning you can know for certain they are 100% not a spoof review site designed to make someone’s product look good, or a shady “pay for good reviews” outlet.
They have full time staff whose job is to test out products and tell you what the best options are.
They also usually have a couple different categories in their reviews and will tell you what the best “budget” option is, too, if the one they recommend is too expensive for you. For an example, this review of noise cancelling headphones gives you their top picks for headphones and ear buds, and then their top budget pick for both categories, too. Or this review of steam irons gives you their top pick, runner up, and a more expensive upgrade option.
They also update their recommendations, or go back and re-review and then tell you that they still stand by something, like in this dishwasher review. And they usually give you the Amazon price right in the article.
It’s an incredibly useful tool, especially if there isn’t a reddit community associated with whatever you want.
(Also their review staff are unionized with the same union I am, and they’re cool people.)
A lot of people in the notes are misunderstanding this. This isn’t saying it’s wrong to TELL someone not to do something that hurts you.
The point of wording it in this way is to place the power back in your own hands. If you simply tell someone “don’t contact me during this time” or “don’t make fun of me for these sensitive subjects” they are not guaranteed to listen to you. And yes, they’re the asshole in that situation, but knowing that doesn’t help you if they’re still violating your bounds. There’s nothing you can do about that with the “not boundary” examples. Knowing what YOU’LL do to protect your peace of mind is more important. It’s not about threatening them with a consequence, it’s about setting an expectation so that you feel comfortable taking an action that best suits your needs if they aren’t inclined to try to suit your needs themselves.
You deserve to have people take your needs seriously, but if they don’t, it’s unfair to yourself for there to be nothing else you can do. Don’t leave your happiness in their hands and hope they listen. Your wellbeing needs to be in YOUR control ultimately, and setting boundaries in this way guarantees that it is, because you’re effectively saying if you won’t adhere to what I’m comfortable with, I’ll do it FOR you, regardless of whether it makes you happy with me or not.
[image description:
twitter thread from Olivia Vizachero, thelessstressedlawyer
Here are some examples of boundaries that aren’t actual boundaries.
Not A Boundary: “You can’t email me on the weekends.”
A Proper Boundary: “If you email me on the weekend, I will not respond until Monday.”
Not A Boundary: “You can’t talk to me like that.”
A Proper Boundary: “If you talk to me like that, I will hang up the phone.”
Not A Boundary: “You need to respect my time.”
A Proper Boundary: “I will end the meeting at the scheduled time.”
Not A Boundary: “You need to be more considerate and thoughtful.”
A Proper Boundary: “I would like you to do these specific things for me and if you don’t, that’s okay, but I will not invest more time [into] this relationship.”
Not A Boundary: “You need to show up on time.”
A Proper Boundary: “If you are late, we will not wait for you.”
Not A Boundary: “You need to give me less work.”
A Proper Boundary: “I will not work more than 50 hours a week.”
Not A Boundary: “You need to do a better job.”
A Proper Boundary: “If you don’t make these three specific improvements by the end of the quarter, I will give you a negative review.”
Boundaries are not mandates for other people to follow.
Boundaries are not demands.
Boundaries are not expectations.
Boundaries are not ultimatums.
Boundaries are not idle threats.
Here’s what a boundary is…
It’s a particular course of action YOU take to take care of yourself when a particular set of circumstances arises.
That’s it.
It’s about what YOU do.
Not about what THEY do.
Ever.
